the way we were

*see non-linearity post. in a nutshell: this story will be told again, from a different angle. someday. fret not.


so...how do you know when you're really OVER someone?

when you delete them from your phone?
when you ignore their calls?
when you can actually call them and have a friendly conversation?

lilbitch*, formerly known as profboo, hit me up.
"u busy? wanna ask ur advice bout some shit"

i was thissss close to hittin him back with the stinger - "who is this?"

i definitely deleted his number a couple months ago - not that i never wanted to speak to him again - but i NEVER wanted to leave another drunken voicemail. ever. i finally recognized the 732 number and texted back "i'm at work. what's up?"

thoughts steam. what if he's gonna ask me about her. wouldn't that be some shit.

four purposeful days later he calls. i'm baking chicken. swaying my hips on my linoleum stage.
allllll up in my peaceful "me" time.

"hey..."

"hey, ma. what's good?"

my best friend haaates "ma". her hatred rubbed off on me too cuz i literally scowl everytime some dude tries to use it. but when prof...i mean lilbitch does... i let him. i like it. i wanted to be his ma once upon a time. stop gagging yourself.

five minutes of meaningless small talk later...

he broke up with his girl. they weren't right for each other. they shoulda stayed friends. things changed. she went to see her ex, an NFL player. jealousy.

the placement and pitch of his laughs while telling his tale lead me to believe he was actually hurt. you know how guys do. inside all i wanted to do was GUFFAW. straight belly-achin laugh. laden with that's what you f*n get's, you dropped me for that's, now you know how it feel's and the like. but i truly couldn't. i just inner-chuckled a little. smirked, perhaps. but mostly i listened to him.

reminisced with him. asked questions. had wonderful conversation. mind-sexed, as he categorizes it. felt good. i still kept my distance. but it felt good. this time i said goodbye.

"hey...i'm glad you called it was nice catching up. i gotta run"

"oh, yeah. no doubt. i will definitely be calling you on your birthday...

peace, ma."

"bye."

november brings great things

for one, i'm planning on adopting this month. amazing right? look over to your left to see a picture of my new child.

she's beautiful isn't she? makes me tear up a bit.

lol. i'm finally eligible for an upgrade from my lil samsung joint in mid-november and it couldn't have come at a better time! The new Blackberry Bold is kind of amazing. I'm sure they will come out with a better one in 1.5 months but let me have my shine!

secondly, i was born in november! i turn 22 on nov. 12. i'm a scorpio (obviously). i'm still deciding on what i want to do for my b-day...it's not a big one but its the first grown not-in-school one. i found the perfect hooch dress if we go out:

the color looks off in the pic, but its champagne-y. and i'm on a hooch dress for my bday workout plan starting TODAY! i'm literally off to the gym after i post this blog. someone call me out if you find out otherwise. anyway, i love this dress. its kinda expensive, as everything in bebe is, so i may go for a more practical hooch-sweater dress which could be worn again (i mean this could too...in miami or something). i can't really post pics of myself here because...i can't. for now.

thirdly, thanksgiving! i LOVEEEEEEEEE food and i LOVEEEE thanksgiving food the most. i signed up to help out my aunt cook the big meal. i'm gonna do a practice run on some sweet potatoe pies so that they are bangin for the big day! i'll post the recipe.

and lastly,

I have 3rd row seats to the Maxwell Concert on Friday in NJ. I live in DC, but my girlfriend lives in Philly and lives minutes away from the NJ arena. Sooooo that will be one AMAZING, UNFORGETTABLE show, and a fun-weekend! i can't even think about it.

loveeeeee

i love non-linearity

ahem.
things i love about blogging:
for free .99
you control a space
wherein you can articulate any-
thing and everything
discuss, debate, instigate...
but for me?
most of all
the aspect i love the mostest
is the ability/right/privelage

to tell my story. how i choose.
(in a non-linear way.)
and when i choose. and through which mediums.
you see
toni mo said
if there is a book you want to read but
it hasn't been written. YOU.
must be the one to write it.

so welcome, to chapter 59. give or take.
follow along, or don't.

beauty is. imma sang my song
in whatever pitch i choose.
ya dig?

must.gym.now.

tuesdays and thursdays i work 9am-9pm

i'm SOOOO ok with this.

do your skin a favor

and buy some unrefined coconut oil. TRUST. i'm a skin/hair product junkie - and when i say i've tried damn near everything out there...you can really believe that. i've had good skin on and off since high school, really. i've never had fully blown acne - so when i use those cleansers they are too harsh and do more harm than good. then i have really sensitive skin, so i can't use salicylic acid or strong astringents. THEN i have oily skin, so its hard to find a product that can handle all of that!

i turned to mother nature ::uplifting disney movie music::

seriously. my mom is starting a line of natural-ingredient based beauty products as she retires and she buys her unrefined ingredients in bulk - i took some sweet almond oil, coconut oil, and jojoba oil.

after a FEW DAYS - my skin is virtually clear, much softer - it just feels amazing!

my regime:

1. optional: use makeup remover wipes to remove obvious makeup
2. take a dime size amount of coconut oil (slightly below room temperature it turns into a melt-able solid (dangit i can't remember the scientific word for that and its bugging me!!!!! is it malleable? pah!) and massage it into your skin, even over your eyelids, for 30 seconds
3. optional: heat a washcloth with hot water and let it sit over your face for a minute or two to open those pores
4. rinse with organic cleanser, and apply any organic moisturizer! i lourvvv aveda's gel cleanser and moisturizing face lotion, OR C.O. Bigelow's Foaming Gel Cleanser for Oily Skin (i got mine at bath and body works).

someone try it out and tell me how it feels!

any other beauty secrets?

embrasse moi

secretagentboo

i'm walking down u st a few weeks ago and finally find K. she just chopped her locs off and looks extra fly. we cheek smooch and head for the lounge. the lesbian lounge. she's gay and i'm...not... really... but i'm down to have fun most anywhere. so.

i get to the front of the line and realize i forgot to not pack my pepper spray.

"shit. i can't throw it awayyy" i whine to her/the bouncer.

"i'll hold it for you."

i glance to my left and lock eyes with him. he's sucking on his bottom lip, leaning against the door. i walk up to him - maintaining eye contact. he's looking down at me, lanky thing that he is. even in the shadows i can see his curly eyelashes.

"thank you," i purr. "what's your name?"

"(secretagentboo)" he looks stern. tightens his jaw. furrows his eyebrows. determined to not give me his sly smile. i don't give him my name - i just sashay into the lounge, knowing he's watching me. i don't even look over my shoulder. leggings my friends. leggings.

"girl. he is fine. i'm definitely gettin me some of thattt" i squeal to K. "whatever," she retorts "just don't bring him over here or the girls will think we're straight!" she laughs.

towards the end of the night i walk out and try to make conversation with him.

"soo...do you know how (name of adjoining club) is? its kinda wack in there."

"oh, its pretty hot most nights. but you know...there are...you know, men there" he says uncomfortably.

"oh...hahaha. yeah, that won't be a problem."

"Oh! so you aren't..."

I smile. "So you live in DC?"

"nah. Maryland."

"Oh, ok. So what are you doing Thursday?"

"Why, what's happening on Thursday?"

"Oh...that's when you're taking me out for drinks."

A Smile. A laugh. "You're pretty bold, huh?"

"I get what I want."

"Here's my number, sweetheart..."

that realness.

"i imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain. "
-baldwin

the honeymoon is over.

enjoy your youth. tis fleeting.

i say that with all the wisdom i've amassed at my ripe old age of..err...21. seriously! (actually can we talk about a Sister (not sisTA) I met at work today who is coming up on her 92nd birthday! she didn't look a day over 70! And she was whhhhhiteeee. lmao. no offense. but you know.)

anyway - the years leading up to this golden age and the few bar-ridden blurry memories after it were fabulous - graduating, happy hours, getting a job (in that order), paying bills, going to bed at 11pm, not having a car and struggling to do essential things like grocery shop, stress about paying rent cuz i've been cut off financially...the responsibilities are a-piling. and it kinda sucks.

this post could be non-stop bitching. but it shant. just updating y'all on how i'm getting by with the culture shock of actually having to earn my living.

i'm temping full time right how at an HR department at a University in DC - I hate it most days because I was assigned all the grunt work, but instead of thinking negatively, I sought out meaningful projects so I can stack up my resume. I'm analyzing turnover and retention rates assessed from raw data and exit interview transcripts. I get to be creative here and think about relationships I find and display them graphically - hopefully coming up with some reversable trends I can introduce to the HR Director. Another project I've become involved with involves researching competing universities' benefits programs and ultimately representing my findings in a mini-proposal urging the University's HR department to reconsider its benefit package in order to be a viable competitor in the pool of universities. so i get to use my braaaain! yay! of course i don't work work work all day - i'm definitely gchattin it up half the time - but its much mor eenjoyable to multitask than to file all day. damn mice infested file cabinets ::shudder::


i'm also an SAT/High School Entrance Exam Prep teacher part time. GRINDIN i know. most of my students are black and they better be for me to make that 1.5 hour metro trip to get to them! I'm implementing new strategies and giving advice and i can already see results after a few sessions. it is tiring after a full day of work - but its worth it. i should start my grown up job for real for real in about 28 days. ::does the robot repeatedly::

so...the honeymoon is over. but the honeymoon shouldn't be the highlight of the (my) relationship (with life) - the real challenges and adventures occur after this point. the static vibrancy of the early 20s isn't everything. i certainly plan on enjoying these years, but i know the real test of endurance (and love) lies ahead. i'm ready to put in work. i stretched that extended metaphor a lil. but it works. cuz i said so.

did i just compare my life to marriage? GAG.