it is truly a sad day when your emotions are perfectly captured by the latest beyonce song. lol.
broken hearted girl came on the radio on the drive home and i damn near cried
the last line of the refrain is a killer
...i know i'll be there at the end of the day
isn't that what's most upsetting?
not whatever trifling thing the guy did
not that you cried or felt shitty about it
but the fact that deep, deep down
you don't even want to let go
even if there was a pill that could erase your memory
or a guaranteed no-more-drama cloak
those pills would stay in the medicine cabinet.
that cloak would hang in the closet. untouched.
i read a blog one time about women always staying in self-destructive relationships.
or that women have this superman complex (save-a-hoe as well), always tryna change a man!
i don't think it's that. i think...what we felt an ounce of
that ever elusive L-O-V-E
and it was enough of a high to keep searching, keep pressing, hoping, praying
...scratching, shaking
for a hit.
damnnnn damn damn
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
loveless
and then there are stagnant times
the most robust cajun fare
tasteless
flavorless grits
a cow mulling over the same grass she's been mulling over
every fucking day of her life
the sun is so bright
spotlight on
it is spring
at least the birds are happy
the most robust cajun fare
tasteless
flavorless grits
a cow mulling over the same grass she's been mulling over
every fucking day of her life
the sun is so bright
spotlight on
it is spring
at least the birds are happy
Sunday, May 3, 2009
poison.
"sweetheart, what flavor would you recommend?"
his baritone booms.
he's eyeing her hungrily. i would feel awkward but i'm tipsy. tatas are perky and everything is sitting right in my white high-waisted shorts. she's cute, but i got this. still, i feel uneasy. is he about to proposition her or some shit? i wait with bated breath and slow sips.
the slim latina twirls her hair .
"purple haze. das my favourite flavour, ju all will louv it."
purple haze it is then.
deep, deep pulls. his hand is on my thigh. we're laughing in each others faces. giving eye.
still.
with the last sip of my second cocktail i am controlling everything. i bite my lips, let them linger dangerously close to his. then i pass him the mouthpiece, diverting his attention. i know i'm not going to sleep with him. i highly doubt i'll even kiss him. i don't want to. i do dig the flirtatious energy too. i want to see him want me. that gets me off in an evil way.
we trek back to his spot - should've headed home by this point but more venom is pumping.
"i would love to see you in just these..."
the miami heat melts the lotion on my legs. he smoothes it back over them. first, around my ankles, then my calves, then my thighs. stirring up a stactic electricity. i balance myself on his shoulders. he begins to knewad my legs, working his fingers up through the cuff band. it. feels. good.
so i stop him. we talk for awhile before we sleep. "no ones ever really said no to me. i'm replaying the night seeing where i went wrong," he laughs. i see the beady lust in his eyes. i can't divert mine from them. the drive home in the morning is silent save old school rap jams blasting.
"this shit is 11 years old man. you weren't grown enough to know about this," he chides. i smirk at his attempt to make age relevant.
my nipples get hard thinking about it.
this chapter is closed.
fin
his baritone booms.
he's eyeing her hungrily. i would feel awkward but i'm tipsy. tatas are perky and everything is sitting right in my white high-waisted shorts. she's cute, but i got this. still, i feel uneasy. is he about to proposition her or some shit? i wait with bated breath and slow sips.
the slim latina twirls her hair .
"purple haze. das my favourite flavour, ju all will louv it."
purple haze it is then.
deep, deep pulls. his hand is on my thigh. we're laughing in each others faces. giving eye.
still.
with the last sip of my second cocktail i am controlling everything. i bite my lips, let them linger dangerously close to his. then i pass him the mouthpiece, diverting his attention. i know i'm not going to sleep with him. i highly doubt i'll even kiss him. i don't want to. i do dig the flirtatious energy too. i want to see him want me. that gets me off in an evil way.
we trek back to his spot - should've headed home by this point but more venom is pumping.
"i would love to see you in just these..."
the miami heat melts the lotion on my legs. he smoothes it back over them. first, around my ankles, then my calves, then my thighs. stirring up a stactic electricity. i balance myself on his shoulders. he begins to knewad my legs, working his fingers up through the cuff band. it. feels. good.
so i stop him. we talk for awhile before we sleep. "no ones ever really said no to me. i'm replaying the night seeing where i went wrong," he laughs. i see the beady lust in his eyes. i can't divert mine from them. the drive home in the morning is silent save old school rap jams blasting.
"this shit is 11 years old man. you weren't grown enough to know about this," he chides. i smirk at his attempt to make age relevant.
my nipples get hard thinking about it.
this chapter is closed.
fin
Thursday, April 23, 2009
speaking into existence
so i never read The Secret, but i'm pretty sure the premise can be summed up by the old phrase "speaking into existence." in the past few weeks i grabbed hold of this mantra and embraced it as my own. speaking things into existence means two things for me. for one, it means quite literally, verbally introducing ideas - thereby creating them. putting those words in the atmosphere, where they can only be traced back to your lungs. the second, more inherent meaning is believing and knowing things to be true before there is physical worldy evidence of such. this process functions in a cylindrical fashion. there is one, grandiose cycle - our life. we all have our beginnings, middles, and ends. in the ideal scenario we follow the steps to become who we should be, and enjoy life at that stage. there are no age limits for each stage though society imposes them on us. the only requirement is forward movement. as they also say, the destination isn't most important - the journey is. this journey, in the grand scheme of things, consists of one full rotation, and several hundred, thousand, smaller rotations. these smaller rotations are basically smaller ideas, putt-putting your train along its tracks. overkill, i know.
how do we speak things into existence? imagination. bravery. faith. not always in that order, and sometimes phases repeat themselves. we know this.
imagination.
this is the nerdiest example...but i think of times when i wrote final papers for a certain hunky professor in college. i read everything he ever assigned, thought on it, and scribbled ideas in my margins. but when the pressure was on, generally around 5am the morning the paper was due, i would start having epiphanys. it was like the two most intelligent allies ever were sitting down at a cafe pondering all the undiscovered themes of the course and i was just listening in. i'd make connections and draw parallels... i basically felt like i was the shit. i took those ideas and formulated the most amazing theses you'd ever see. now around page 5 it would get choppy cuz i'd have an hour to go before class. but you get the point.
have that inner discussion with yourself about your life. jot down the themes. make connections. write your own thesis. just don't wait til 5am.
note: not all ideas are going to be epiphanys. in fact, some of the most important ones aren't. they aren't even originals. examples: i am beautiful. i am worthy. i am going to be successful.
bravery.
besides death, i think humans fear failure and rejection most of all. but bravery is beastly. bravery comes out of the corner swinging. bravery is less "i think..." and more "i know..." or "i'm going to...bitch." this phase of the cycle consists of the leap and the yell. simple as that. you can't accept virulent or malicious criticism of your ideas. you simply say, "no, thank you" and pass that plate of hate right on back.
faith.
for brevity's sake i'll say that i do believe (i'll keep that vague lol), but i am not especially religious. however, "faith" enters the picture here too in secular and non-secular ways. to me, this faith is the last leg long-distance runner for a team's 4x4million(lol) race. faith is about pacing - new ideas often generate a short lived excitement in all of us, which isn't always a bad thing. some ideas are just shitty, so they don't need to come to full fruition. the ones that are deserving, though, require attention - a pulsing maintenance if you will. faith is the "knowing" and persistence that pervade this experience.
the other important part of the faith disciple is sacredness. this idea, this thought that you have? it's fragile. it needs to be protected and cared for by none other than you. you can't allow anyone to steal it, break it, or babysit it. you must know, deep within, that you have a purpose - where this purpose comes from and how it is molded - eh, that will always be debated. just know its there, or it is in the process of getting there (i personally believe it's a little of both - you are born with innate potential, but you have to work your ass off (and not just at work-work) to be the ultimate you).
your iterations directly affect your propulsions. you sustain your movement by dreaming, saying, and believing in what you think and know to be true about yourself. so dream. dream in intricate detail, cuz honey - once you have an idea - and you will have many - sometimes all at once - you have to articulate it. that is your obligation to the universe. once the words leave your mouth, consider them transformed into word-clouds hovering over your head forever. people will see them, laugh at them, try to take them away from you. but you must know - they are yours. protect and cultivate them. eventually (hopefully) they will dissipate when you become proof of your own thesis.
addendums:
-please forgive (or not, i don't care) my over/misuse of commas and dashes. i simply love them.
-this ideas was inspired by (not necessarily dedicated to) Charmaine of Regis Salons in Pentagon City Mall. Upon successfully coloring my hair, her manager walked by and congratulated her on her raise.
Manager: "You we're just talking about needing to expand your portfolio"
Charmaine: "yea gurllll"
..not the greatest story but i must give credit where it is due
-i love how i wrote this piece and i am barely in the imagining stage. what about y'all?
how do we speak things into existence? imagination. bravery. faith. not always in that order, and sometimes phases repeat themselves. we know this.
imagination.
this is the nerdiest example...but i think of times when i wrote final papers for a certain hunky professor in college. i read everything he ever assigned, thought on it, and scribbled ideas in my margins. but when the pressure was on, generally around 5am the morning the paper was due, i would start having epiphanys. it was like the two most intelligent allies ever were sitting down at a cafe pondering all the undiscovered themes of the course and i was just listening in. i'd make connections and draw parallels... i basically felt like i was the shit. i took those ideas and formulated the most amazing theses you'd ever see. now around page 5 it would get choppy cuz i'd have an hour to go before class. but you get the point.
have that inner discussion with yourself about your life. jot down the themes. make connections. write your own thesis. just don't wait til 5am.
note: not all ideas are going to be epiphanys. in fact, some of the most important ones aren't. they aren't even originals. examples: i am beautiful. i am worthy. i am going to be successful.
bravery.
besides death, i think humans fear failure and rejection most of all. but bravery is beastly. bravery comes out of the corner swinging. bravery is less "i think..." and more "i know..." or "i'm going to...bitch." this phase of the cycle consists of the leap and the yell. simple as that. you can't accept virulent or malicious criticism of your ideas. you simply say, "no, thank you" and pass that plate of hate right on back.
faith.
for brevity's sake i'll say that i do believe (i'll keep that vague lol), but i am not especially religious. however, "faith" enters the picture here too in secular and non-secular ways. to me, this faith is the last leg long-distance runner for a team's 4x4million(lol) race. faith is about pacing - new ideas often generate a short lived excitement in all of us, which isn't always a bad thing. some ideas are just shitty, so they don't need to come to full fruition. the ones that are deserving, though, require attention - a pulsing maintenance if you will. faith is the "knowing" and persistence that pervade this experience.
the other important part of the faith disciple is sacredness. this idea, this thought that you have? it's fragile. it needs to be protected and cared for by none other than you. you can't allow anyone to steal it, break it, or babysit it. you must know, deep within, that you have a purpose - where this purpose comes from and how it is molded - eh, that will always be debated. just know its there, or it is in the process of getting there (i personally believe it's a little of both - you are born with innate potential, but you have to work your ass off (and not just at work-work) to be the ultimate you).
your iterations directly affect your propulsions. you sustain your movement by dreaming, saying, and believing in what you think and know to be true about yourself. so dream. dream in intricate detail, cuz honey - once you have an idea - and you will have many - sometimes all at once - you have to articulate it. that is your obligation to the universe. once the words leave your mouth, consider them transformed into word-clouds hovering over your head forever. people will see them, laugh at them, try to take them away from you. but you must know - they are yours. protect and cultivate them. eventually (hopefully) they will dissipate when you become proof of your own thesis.
addendums:
-please forgive (or not, i don't care) my over/misuse of commas and dashes. i simply love them.
-this ideas was inspired by (not necessarily dedicated to) Charmaine of Regis Salons in Pentagon City Mall. Upon successfully coloring my hair, her manager walked by and congratulated her on her raise.
Manager: "You we're just talking about needing to expand your portfolio"
Charmaine: "yea gurllll"
..not the greatest story but i must give credit where it is due
-i love how i wrote this piece and i am barely in the imagining stage. what about y'all?
Saturday, April 11, 2009
right to remain...
trigger fingers held her pearl, hostage.
as
her detainee uses blunt, cylindrical force.
negotiating?
"don't make me do this," he pleads.
"please officer ..." she pants.
calculated methodical interrogation
and a push of a certain detonator -
dope, bass-line, beats like
courtroom gavels
echoing from within
convulsions like
450 watts surging guilty
as charged.
as
her detainee uses blunt, cylindrical force.
negotiating?
"don't make me do this," he pleads.
"please officer ..." she pants.
calculated methodical interrogation
and a push of a certain detonator -
dope, bass-line, beats like
courtroom gavels
echoing from within
convulsions like
450 watts surging guilty
as charged.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
embracing the curls within!
guysss! i was interviewed! see below and check out blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com - it's a GREAT resource fo rfellow nattrals! :)
http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com/2009/04/your-photos-your-thoughts-embracing.html
http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com/2009/04/your-photos-your-thoughts-embracing.html
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
best april fools EVER
Allison: afia is pregnant!!!
u cant say ANYthing
Brittany: WHAT
Allison: she is 2 months she just told me yesterday
Brittany: (duh the only person id tell is you)
Allison: lol
Brittany: SHES KEEPING IT!?!??!?!?!?!?!
Allison: I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brittany: NOOOOOOO SHES CANT
Allison: i didnt know what to say
Allison: she said she already had a name
Brittany: NO!
Allison: APRIL!
Brittany: NOOOOOO
Allison:APRIL FOOLSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Allison:APRIL FOOLSSSSSS!!!!!!!
bahahahahahahh!!!!!!!
Brittany: OMG
ILL KILL YOU
Allison: DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
YES YES YES!!! I AM THE BEST!!!!
Brittany: IF I COULD PUNCH YOU
::DOES VICTORY LAP WHILST DOING THE ROBOT::
tell me that wasn't the BEST EVER!!!??? i've NEVER gotten anyone on april fools, so i will remember this forever. my dad used to get ur MERCILESSLY! waking us up for school then saying "I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL - SCHOOL IS CANCELLED TODAY!" mannnn...me and the lil bro would jump up and scream and dance ...then 5 minutes later he'd come back and tell us April Fools. lol. Feelin mad dejected n ish.
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