on the road again

a bit of background since i abandoned the blog:
-recently (as in a week and a half ago) "broke up" with refboo after 10 months of not-dating (:|), not speaking. i'll get into it later or maybe not. was a draining situation, just really bad timing.
-starting new job as a consultant with a well-known firm on Monday!
-finished grad degree in May

...i know. seems like all my ducks are in a row. i'm really trying to focus on the positive and not what I don't have. I just bought "The Happiness Project" after reading a few blogs on the book - I'm going to follow suit and blog along my journey! anyway, on to the post:


amongst my friends, i probably lean to the right on the "monster" Richter scale. it's all about perspective though. sometimes i'll go out and i'm the boldest (or thirstiest, whichever you fancy) of the bunch, and sometimes i'm just meek in comparison.

the latter occurred last night. went to Park and couldn't say hello to a cute dude in the club for shit. fail fail fail. meanwhile my two girlfriends were constantly giggling and getting approached. i dunno what it is - afraid of rejection? low self-esteem? i know i looked good - but seriously only bottomfeeder gremlins were approaching me all night*. i was smiling, not standoffish - what gives? this ALWAYS happens. i can't remember the last time an attractive (attractive, not fine) guy approached me with anything of substance. le sigh.

so i vented to my girl Shad, who proceeded to give me a virtual shake back to reality.

Shad: can't let the club fuck with ur self esteem
people aren't normal, let alone human in clubs
Shad: very primitive/pop-culture conditioned in the worst way
Shad: girls are trying to look however will get them "chose"
and dudes are looking for girls who fit stereotypes (generally) to look like they want to get "chose"

valid. i wasn't looking for anything heavy - just some flirting.

ok, now i'm forgetting the point of this post. it wasn't just to vent, i swear. oh, here it is:

Shad: i learn more and more everyday to do what you do cuz YOU want to
it's hard
not to want to buy every piece of clothing or make up
cuz u think it will make u stand out
and that right person attracted to you above other people
not to say that presentation doesnt count
but honestly, the right person, or
right people, even if they're meant for more casual "situations"
will like you regardless

i think, in terms of blogging/chronicling my way to happiness, this post will just serve as ground zero. i hope, in the end, i will master the art of making eye contact and smiling in public, go to the club purely to have fun, and place a greater emphasis on activities that truly really make me happy or fulfilled. along the way i'm going to keep an open mind and meet new people because i will be in so many new environments.

here's to happiness.