speaking into existence

so i never read The Secret, but i'm pretty sure the premise can be summed up by the old phrase "speaking into existence." in the past few weeks i grabbed hold of this mantra and embraced it as my own. speaking things into existence means two things for me. for one, it means quite literally, verbally introducing ideas - thereby creating them. putting those words in the atmosphere, where they can only be traced back to your lungs. the second, more inherent meaning is believing and knowing things to be true before there is physical worldy evidence of such. this process functions in a cylindrical fashion. there is one, grandiose cycle - our life. we all have our beginnings, middles, and ends. in the ideal scenario we follow the steps to become who we should be, and enjoy life at that stage. there are no age limits for each stage though society imposes them on us. the only requirement is forward movement. as they also say, the destination isn't most important - the journey is. this journey, in the grand scheme of things, consists of one full rotation, and several hundred, thousand, smaller rotations. these smaller rotations are basically smaller ideas, putt-putting your train along its tracks. overkill, i know.

how do we speak things into existence? imagination. bravery. faith. not always in that order, and sometimes phases repeat themselves. we know this.

imagination.
this is the nerdiest example...but i think of times when i wrote final papers for a certain hunky professor in college. i read everything he ever assigned, thought on it, and scribbled ideas in my margins. but when the pressure was on, generally around 5am the morning the paper was due, i would start having epiphanys. it was like the two most intelligent allies ever were sitting down at a cafe pondering all the undiscovered themes of the course and i was just listening in. i'd make connections and draw parallels... i basically felt like i was the shit. i took those ideas and formulated the most amazing theses you'd ever see. now around page 5 it would get choppy cuz i'd have an hour to go before class. but you get the point.

have that inner discussion with yourself about your life. jot down the themes. make connections. write your own thesis. just don't wait til 5am.

note: not all ideas are going to be epiphanys. in fact, some of the most important ones aren't. they aren't even originals. examples: i am beautiful. i am worthy. i am going to be successful.


bravery.
besides death, i think humans fear failure and rejection most of all. but bravery is beastly. bravery comes out of the corner swinging. bravery is less "i think..." and more "i know..." or "i'm going to...bitch." this phase of the cycle consists of the leap and the yell. simple as that. you can't accept virulent or malicious criticism of your ideas. you simply say, "no, thank you" and pass that plate of hate right on back.


faith.
for brevity's sake i'll say that i do believe (i'll keep that vague lol), but i am not especially religious. however, "faith" enters the picture here too in secular and non-secular ways. to me, this faith is the last leg long-distance runner for a team's 4x4million(lol) race. faith is about pacing - new ideas often generate a short lived excitement in all of us, which isn't always a bad thing. some ideas are just shitty, so they don't need to come to full fruition. the ones that are deserving, though, require attention - a pulsing maintenance if you will. faith is the "knowing" and persistence that pervade this experience.

the other important part of the faith disciple is sacredness. this idea, this thought that you have? it's fragile. it needs to be protected and cared for by none other than you. you can't allow anyone to steal it, break it, or babysit it. you must know, deep within, that you have a purpose - where this purpose comes from and how it is molded - eh, that will always be debated. just know its there, or it is in the process of getting there (i personally believe it's a little of both - you are born with innate potential, but you have to work your ass off (and not just at work-work) to be the ultimate you).

your iterations directly affect your propulsions. you sustain your movement by dreaming, saying, and believing in what you think and know to be true about yourself. so dream. dream in intricate detail, cuz honey - once you have an idea - and you will have many - sometimes all at once - you have to articulate it. that is your obligation to the universe. once the words leave your mouth, consider them transformed into word-clouds hovering over your head forever. people will see them, laugh at them, try to take them away from you. but you must know - they are yours. protect and cultivate them. eventually (hopefully) they will dissipate when you become proof of your own thesis.


addendums:
-please forgive (or not, i don't care) my over/misuse of commas and dashes. i simply love them.
-this ideas was inspired by (not necessarily dedicated to) Charmaine of Regis Salons in Pentagon City Mall. Upon successfully coloring my hair, her manager walked by and congratulated her on her raise.
Manager: "You we're just talking about needing to expand your portfolio"
Charmaine: "yea gurllll"
..not the greatest story but i must give credit where it is due
-i love how i wrote this piece and i am barely in the imagining stage. what about y'all?

right to remain...

trigger fingers held her pearl, hostage.

as
her detainee uses blunt, cylindrical force.
negotiating?
"don't make me do this," he pleads.
"please officer ..." she pants.

calculated methodical interrogation
and a push of a certain detonator -
dope, bass-line, beats like
courtroom gavels
echoing from within
convulsions like
450 watts surging guilty
as charged.

embracing the curls within!

guysss! i was interviewed! see below and check out blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com - it's a GREAT resource fo rfellow nattrals! :)

http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com/2009/04/your-photos-your-thoughts-embracing.html

best april fools EVER

Allison: afia is pregnant!!!

u cant say ANYthing

Brittany: WHAT

Allison: she is 2 months she just told me yesterday

Brittany: (duh the only person id tell is you)

Allison: lol

Brittany: SHES KEEPING IT!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Allison: I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brittany: NOOOOOOO SHES CANT

Allison: i didnt know what to say

Allison: she said she already had a name

Brittany: NO!

Allison: APRIL!

Brittany: NOOOOOO
Allison:APRIL FOOLSSSSSS!!!!!!!

bahahahahahahh!!!!!!!

Brittany: OMG

ILL KILL YOU

Allison: DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

YES YES YES!!! I AM THE BEST!!!!

Brittany: IF I COULD PUNCH YOU

::DOES VICTORY LAP WHILST DOING THE ROBOT::

tell me that wasn't the BEST EVER!!!??? i've NEVER gotten anyone on april fools, so i will remember this forever. my dad used to get ur MERCILESSLY! waking us up for school then saying "I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL - SCHOOL IS CANCELLED TODAY!" mannnn...me and the lil bro would jump up and scream and dance ...then 5 minutes later he'd come back and tell us April Fools. lol. Feelin mad dejected n ish.

coworkers bring me joy.

Allison: my colleagues are a trip

so i emailed the 3 ppl i met at the friday conference

the petite african dude's email opening and closing:

Hello Allison!
What a wonderful surprise. You kept your promise! :-)
The pleasure of meeting you was all mine. I'm sure that was obvious, given I couldn't stop yapping! (I promise that's my last use of an exclamation. LOL.)
It was truly wonderful to meet you, Allison. I believe that was about the best thing about Friday! Oops, there's that exclamation point again. :-) Ah, well.

and the older white guy:

First I want to be honest and apologize that I don't remember you.

From your e-mail, I can see you already have a gift for seeking career advice. I never did. I am to much of an introvert and loner.

Brittany: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allison: ahahahaha!

i am dying

Brittany: oh my god

dyinggg

Allison: people are so STRANGE

on men - in my twenty second year

at this juncture in my life i realize i am aggressive by nature. i'm usually the one courting the man, and everything just feels off when a guy approaches me first. i dunno what it is, i just like staking out my prey and the nervous energy that circulates as i wait and see if he's interested. i feel a sense of accomplishment, i feel attractive, i feel like a badass.

still, i like to be wooed in non traditional (read: not throwing cash at me) ways. i've heard that a guy really likes you/wants you if he's willing to make a fool out of himself for you. anything for a smile. if he really wants you, he'll find creative ways to see you or to capture your attention. if he really wants you, he'll call.

i've been settling. sort of lying to myself. no, i don't want a boyfriend. i feel like i'm not ready for all of that. i have alot of growing and developing to do on my own - i don't want to share those experiences with someone who is transient. yes, i do want to find love. but i'm willing to wait for the real thing. yes, i do love intimacy but I don't need it right now. with the terrifying HIV and AIDS rates in DC my legs are closed until further notice anyway. i don't want a hookup - i'm beyond that.

after profboo left for ghana, i felt kind of used (even though he was extremely giving in the bedroom lol). i know he was on another continent and he is somewhat analog so an e-mail or phone call weren't a possibility... but he didn't call before he left. he replied to my "have a safe trip" text, but that's it. no post it note on the bathroom mirror, no nothing.

fuck. i'm a romantic. a hopeless, 90s-meg ryan-00s-kate hudson -ROM-COM hopeless. romantic. why?????

i was supposed to meet up with bloggerboo on friday. that didn't happen. we texted, i agreed to meet him at a club with my friends, he had other plans but said he'd make his way over. didn't hear from him the rest of the weekend. felt played, annoyed since i dragged my friends out to a wack club. felt like something might have been off or wrong since he didn't text or call or anything the rest of the night/weekend. turns out he was in a car accident. everyone is ok, thankfully. a small part of me doesn't believe him. but even if it did happen, he updated his facebook status hours before he texted me. maybe he didn't consider notifying me. maybe it wasn't all that important. that (lack of) action says it all, doesn't it? i don't know.

texts are so impersonal. my coworker says i shouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. "when you do that, it takes away his responsibility to stand up and be a man...i don't care if he sent a pigeon, beeped you in morse code...he should have tried" lol...she's silly. and probably right.

i'm just tired of halfass effort. men put in minimal effort and expect maximum results. i think my aggressive nature skewed my perception of responsibility in the embryonic stages of a relationship.

wouldn't it be cool to talk to a 30 year old version of yourself to see what advice you'd have?

no, it wouldn't.

A (wo)man of genius makes no mistakes; her errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.

James Joyce

rude!